I'm currently wrapping up my second vacation of the year. It's a little difficult to top the last one (during which we got married), so we didn't even try. Actually, we didn't do much of anything this time around. It's more like "time off" instead of "Vacation." Which is a good thing, since for the longest time I've been in a pattern in which after commuting home, I've barely had time to unpack, do laundry, repack, and hit the road again for another trip. I used my week of being paroled from work to drive my jeep home from Cleveland (which I'm using as a crashpad car) and get it inspected and re-tagged. I also got caught up on my logbook, and updated my resume and airline applications. I was at last able to find the time to visit the doctor about a nagging wrist issue I've been dealing with for a few months (probably due to that boat-anchor for Carnival Cruise lines I carry around at work disguised as my Rollaboard bag). My ears are still ringing from the MRI I had done on it! They found a couple of cysts and used a few big words I can't pronounce and won't even attempt to spell. Dealing with it sounds incredibly unpleasant, so I'll just employ my usual strategy I like to call "ignore the problem; surely it will go away." Be sure to look for my future blog post about what happens when my usual strategy turns out like it usually does.
I know, I'm such a wild child!! More than one person has already called my vacation LAME. What can I say? I'm old.
Finally, I was actually able to attend two family cookouts with my in-laws! I usually work weekends, so this was a special treat. I spent the rest of my vacation eating whatever I want, NOT working out, drinking lots of wine, cooking lots of delicious things, playing x-box, and watching movies with Sweet Cheeks. It was perhaps the most stress-free vacation ever!
At one such cookout, I found myself in an interesting conversation with my.... um.... I'm not sure what her relationship is to me. Technically, she's the mother-in-law to my stepson. So... sister-in-law? I giggle every time I refer to Sweet Cheeks' son as my stepson, because he's older than I am. Can you believe it - I didn't get anything for Mother's Day; I was so disappointed! LOL!! Anyway, I digress. Her name is Mary. I was talking to Mary while my daughter-in-law (also older than I am.... ) was cleaning up and the men were in another room fiddling with the computer. Mary is probably in her late 60's, been a farm gal all her life, never tasted liquor, goes to church every week, and certainly doesn't use any foul language. I know, my polar opposite. She told me she was musing on how many different words and phrases there were for.... um..... the act of pooping. She started to list all the ones she came up with: "There's poop, bowel movement, that 's-word' that I don't say, taking a dump...."
I was laughing so hard, I was gasping for air. My daughter-in-law desperately tried to change the subject to something less disgusting, but Mary wouldn't have it.
"The scoots, the trots, the runs, diarrhea....hmmm..... what else?"
"Crap," I added helpfully, wiping the tears from my eyes. I winked at my daughter-in-law and received an eye roll in exchange. Then, Mary asked me, so innocently I could almost see the halo glowing above her head, "Can you think of anything else that we do that has so many different names?"
I was paralyzed by such an inner turmoil, I almost exploded. The angel on my right shoulder pleaded desperately for me to say no. The devil on my left shoulder practically screamed "Sex. SEX!!!!!!! SEX SEX SEX SEX!!!!" I felt like Roger Rabbit when Christopher Lloyd kept knocking around his hiding place, singing, "Shave and a haircut...." I usually yield to the devil, sacrificing myself upon the alter of comedy, even if it means certain doom and the only one laughing is me. I got a warning glance from my daughter-in-law who knew what I was thinking and I chickened out. "Nope," I said. I think the entire kitchen breathed a sigh of relief.
Alas, vacations end, and this one is coming to a close. I'm prepping my lunch bag for another 6 days of work, and gearing up for a return to the workout wagon. I'm comforted by the thought that at least I don't have to rely on Trans States to give me a ride to work this week, since I'll be making the 11 hour trek in my jeep. This period of doing absolutely nothing at home has left me refreshed and ready to return to the insanity that comes with my awesome job, and couldn't have come at a better time!
Well.... look at the clock..... there's still time to nurse that last bottle of wine! Cheers!
