It's been over a year since my last post, and my life has changed in many ways. When I last posted, I was in complete euphoria over leaving my previous job and moving forward with my dream job. I can tell you that my current gig is better than I ever thought it would be. I'm flying the 737, and seeing places I've never seen. Sometimes, I even have to look at a map to see just where the hell I'm flying next! If 7th grade geography was this fun, I wouldn't have failed it! At my previous shop, I'd fly with all these young 'uns.... and I'd never felt older. Now, I'm flying with all these old fellas (totally my crowd, if you know me), and I've never felt younger. Seriously, career-wise, I feel so lucky to be where I am.
On a personal level, things haven't been as peachy. Since so much has changed in my life over the last year, my husband and I have grown apart. A lot has changed for him, too, and not much of it is positive. We decided to separate a few weeks ago. We are still friends, and still care for each other very much, but we're better off living separately. It's very sad, and there is a lot of pain to work through for both of us. Honestly, it would be easier if we didn't still care for one another.
The Universe has seen to it that I don't put off dealing with my emotions. I've been sick with an awful 1-2-3 punch of bronchitis, sinusitis, and a middle ear infection since we separated. I haven't had the energy to do anything but lay in bed or on the sofa, sorting through my emotions and what it means to be separated after 11 years, especially after going through so much together. All of my usual outlets and distractions - playing the piano, riding motorcycles, talking and hanging out with friends, going to the gym, hell - even drinking - have been unavailable because it takes an incredible amount of effort just to move my limbs. I've been forced to lay there alone night and day, thinking about this new phase - with only my thoughts, guilt, insecurities, and personal demons to keep me company (well, maybe some classic movies on TCM and all the South Park reruns I can stand.... without these distractions, I'd truly have gone insane this week). It's as if the powers that be forced me to sit in the corner, telling me, "now you sit right here, young lady, and think about what you've done!!"
It has been a very dark time for me.
But, I'm working through it. I'm crawling out of it. Things will get better; they always do. I know there is still so much out there that I want to experience and explore. I am so richly blessed with love and support from my friends and family. I finally have the financial means and career stability to do things that I've always dreamed of doing. My mother, as well as one of my best friends, both reminded me that "to everything, there is a season."
The end of one brings the beginning of another. Here's to the upcoming Spring.
