Sidelined

A 24-hour layover in the Big Apple!!! I should be out with the crew, running around Manhattan, trying new foods and drinks, watching people, seeing the sights, and trying not to get raped, mugged, or murdered after mistakenly taking a wrong turn.

What I am doing instead is working on my online resume, gathering references, and breaking down my flight time into excruciatingly precise categories between now and the first time I stepped into an airplane over 13 years ago.

I'd like to blame my discontent with my current employer. However, while it is true that the majority of our pilot group is angrier than a midget with a yo-yo, my motivation to work on airlineapps.com stems from the fact that I feel the need to do something productive and I can't do what I desperately want to do any more - Run.

Last year when I was building my mileage, I encountered shin splints. In fact, over the course of my love affair with running, I've dealt with injuries - plantar fasciitis, illiotibial band syndrome, shin splints, runner's knee..... I've had them all. A running store analyzed my gait and said, "you're a heel striker. Change your stride to more of a forefoot stride, and those problems will go away." I started with drills and eventually changed my stride. They were right - my problems went away! However, a new problem arose. I noticed that the balls of my feet felt like they were on fire after a few miles. "No problem," I thought. "My feet will get used to this new stride in time. After all, all the running forums and literature say this is a natural stride and those Kenyans who are natural athletes run BAREFOOT, for hundreds of miles, for Christ's sake!"

When I was training for the half marathon, I developed a problem in my left foot that had symptoms similar to Morton's Neuroma. It started off as an annoying numbness in the 3rd and 4th toes after about 3 miles, progressing to an electric, shooting pain with every step. When this showed up, I'd walk a few minutes, and I was able to resume running for about another 3 miles. My normal problem-solving strategy of "Ignore the problem and it will go away," didn't work in this case.

I went to a podiatrist. He did an MRI. Couldn't find a neuroma. He said, "that doesn't mean there's NOT one, it just means that if there is a neuroma, it's too small. Try ibuprofen."

Well, it feels pretty big to me. Incidentally, ibuprofen doesn't work. Lots and lots of alcohol is what works! I digress.

After the race, I took some time off. I dedicated myself into studying for captain upgrade. I didn't run a step. Know what? The problem only got worse! It got to where I couldn't walk without an explosion of shooting pain up my toes with every step. My podiatrist gave me a Cortisone shot, which made my foot "Comfortably numb" for a day. The next day? Pain was back, and it was PISSED! Now, he's recommending surgery to remove the nerve. AAAACK!!! No WAY do I want to do that! I'm afraid it might be my only option.

Mom suggested a chiropractor.

I was skeptical, but hopeful. I walked in, and Dr. Chiropractor Lady adjusted my back and made me pop in ways that hurt SO GOOD! She then took a percussive pen-shaped thingy and "adjusted" my foot. For the rest of that day..... no pain!

Such is the success of each visit, yet it always comes back. I'm told that because my foot was out of whack for so long, it will take multiple treatments. Before leaving for my 6 days of work, I went back to the Chiropractor (she was unavailable, I instead was treated by her husband, Dr. Chiropractor Man). He used his hands to adjust my foot and it "popped" in some way. It felt good at the time, but started screaming at me the moment I walked away. Why didn't I go back in and have him undo what he just did? I was running late for my commute to work, and hoped that if I ignored the problem, it would go away <wrong again>. By the time I got to the airport, every step was excruciating. I wondered if he broke something. I almost called in sick.

I will finish the recommended 10 visits with the greatest of hopes and insist on Dr. Lady as my sole foot adjuster. I will also begin the physical therapy recommended by my podiatrist. However, if the pain gets any worse, I might just take a hacksaw to the whole damned foot and instead get one of those springy prosthetic things you see amputees using to complete the Ironman.

I've put on most of the weight I lost this time last year. I can't run, I can't walk, I can't use the elliptical - and it makes me sad. I suppose I could get into biking - but I'm home about 2 nights a week if I'm lucky. I could try swimming, but I must first have the confidence to wear a swimsuit!  Honestly, I just lack motivation to do any cross training when I can't run and these are convenient, even if they are petty, excuses to not work out.

I'm hoping this is just a lesson that life needs me to learn. I'm hoping that this is just an experience I will remember when I'm finally able to run again, or even walk without pain, to use as motivation on those mornings when I am physically capable of, yet too lazy to run. I see my friends' postings on Facebook, using their fitness software, proudly announcing to the world how far or how long they've run. I feel the bittersweet emotions of simultaneously applauding and envying them, and I miss the days when I used to post the same things on my Facebook.. I miss the way people looked at me when I was drenched with sweat, wearing my dripping clothes like a badge of honor. I miss the endorphins and the feeling of accomplishment after a 10 mile run. I miss the scenery and peace of the long runs, and the achy exhaustion after tackling hills and speed drills. I miss having a butt you could bounce a quarter off of. Mostly, I miss the confidence running gave me.

I will get it back, somehow. Keep those quarters handy.

Back to finding those references for airlineapps.com.