Yep, I'm in charge now.

All tests passed, training is complete! I am now officially "Captain Willes!" Or "Cap'n D?" Or "Captain Squeaks?" Or "Capt. Squeaky D?"

Or maybe just the Bitch in charge! We'll see what my crews really call me after a 4-day.

The last blog update was written during a very stressful time. I don't remember the last time I was that miserable. It was probably during my initial training. Looking back and comparing the two, I will say that while the initial training was more emotionally taxing, Upgrade was more unpleasant and painful than a simultaneous root canal, hysterectomy, colonoscopy, appendectomy, and surprise amputation of a body part of the surgeon's choosing. Time seemed to slow down to a crawl during upgrade, and I thought it would never be over. I have a new respect for those unfortunate folks who are just above me on the seniority list who went through Upgrade years ago, only to be downgraded to FO a few months later, and then upgraded again. They went through the process TWICE! I'd rather have my toenails removed with a putty knife. Granted, a lot of this stress I placed upon myself because of how much it meant to me to be given this opportunity. It wasn't just about the much-needed raise in pay. It was a new certificate (ATP) and a type rating - just the possession of which opens doors that were closed to me as an FO with just my commercial pilot's certificate. It's another step up the career ladder; one step closer to my version of success. In short, it was kind of a big deal.

Since I was simply making a transition from the right seat of the EMB-145 to the left seat, I was given the "short course." That means a week and a half of ground school, 4 simulator sessions, an oral exam, and a check ride. Followed by 25 hours of IOE (Initial Operating Experience) and a Fed ride (a revenue flight with a check airman acting as my copilot and the FAA in the jumpseat). The whole process started on April the 2nd, and ended with the Fed ride on May the 10th.

The first simulator session was a disaster. Everyone said it would be, but I didn't really believe it would be that bad. I expected my hands to be confused; I didn't expect my eyes to be lost, too. Think about it: my hands have been trained to make certain motions when my mind commands them for the over 5 years I sat in the right seat. All of a sudden, they have opposite duties. Which is bad in itself, but add to that the fact that now I can't freaking FIND ANYTHING with my eyeballs. The screens are in the wrong place. Even stupid stuff like the autopilot and flight director buttons were difficult to find. I found myself glancing at the FO's displays just to set the altitude. What's worse is that I was so paralyzed by the fear of that stupid simulator, I was wound up too tight to do any thinking at all. Couple that with continued self abuse of my mind screaming, "Delia, WTF is wrong with you?? You fly!! This is what we DO! Why are you losing 200 feet in the steep turn, you moron?!?" I walked out of that box holding back tears and frustration because I felt that I didn't belong in ANY airplane, much less a jet that carries 50 trusting people. I thought I'd slipped through the cracks. I thought about quitting and going back to school to do something else.

Then I had some wine. I called my friends, vented on facebook, and wrote to my mom, and prayed. We had the next day off, so I spent the day in my room in front of my cockpit poster, chair flying and slowly going through everything mentally from the setup check to the shutdown check. It took hours.

It worked.

I got progressively better each day. I was able to finally relax in the sim. It's easier to control the thing when you're not shaking! When it came time for the check ride, I walked the long walk to the sim telling myself, "You've got this. You've already earned your ATP and type rating. You just need to step into that box and get them." The check ride itself was a piece of cake. Well, except for the stalls, which were pretty ugly. There was a tense moment after my completion of the stalls when I listened for the beeping of the simulator bridge to lower. When I didn't hear that, I knew I was home free. I kept my head about me, slowing down, doing things in a deliberate manner, planning what comes next. I finished the ride with the most beautiful visual approach to a no-flap landing I've ever done. Of course, upon landing, the entire plane caught fire (not my fault!!!), and I had to execute an emergency evacutaion. I performed the memory items and shut down the plane. There was a beat or two. I turned around to face the examiner and he said, "Congratulations Delia. You passed!"

I exited the simulator in the slow motion manner of a cheesy film. I swear I could hear Freddy Mercury singing, "Weeeeee are the champ-ions....... my fri-end...." Randy (my sim partner and upgrade partner through it all) was coming down the long walkway towards me. I gave him a thumbs up and a huge smile. He hugged me and said, "Congratulations, Captain Willes!" I responded with "Congratulations to you, Captain Crider!!" It was the best day of my life.

The last day of sim is called "LOFT." It's supposed to stand for "Line Oriented Flight Training," and is supposed to be a flight from point A to point B with just a small malfunction. Yeah, a real snoozefest! We had an instructor who knew we had already had 5 years of that already, so he let us play with the airplane a bit. Short field takeoffs, dead-stick landings, that sort of thing. It was a lot of fun, and I felt it was really beneficial, too. At the conclusion, I asked him if he had any advice for us, since he'd spent 30+ years as a captain for Ozark, TWA, and American. He said, "Four things. Take care of your passengers, take care of your crew, take care of yourself, take care of your airplane. In that order. You will never have any trouble if you do those four things."

As for IOE, I had the benefit of flying with 3 seperate check airmen during my experience and learned a lot from each one. I finished up my training with a gal who was sharp as a tack and didn't take crap from anybody! Everyone who has flown with her just loves her. She is a really good teacher and constantly had me thinking with her "what if" questions. She knows the rules, the takes care of her crews, she sticks to her guns. Everything about her exudes confidence.  In short, she's exactly the kind of captain I want to be.

Fed ride day. My Fed ride was also another potential check airman's Fed ride. This means that while I'm going for Captain, my acting first officer is a captain going for Check Airman cert. The FAA observes him as much as he observes me, and in the end gives him the FAA's blessing to go forth and teach. So, it was a big day for both of us! It was a revenue flight from Indianapolis to Chicago. A dear friend of mine, Adam, had just passed his Check Airman ride and knew he was bringing the plane for our ride. He was kind enough to leave the MEL book open so I wouldn't have to stumble around to find the deferred maintenance item. Plus, he gave me a hug and left me a good luck note to "kick ass!" It really meant a lot to me. The flight itself was nothing significant. The weather was perfect. I was nervous, but did ok. The FAA examiner was very cool. He was from Louisiana, how could he not be cool?

When it was over, I hugged the flight attendant, high-fived the newly certified Check Airman, texted Sweet Cheeks, and called my parents. I didn't stop smiling the rest of the day.

Now, I'm on reserve at my new home away from home in Columbus, OH. It appears that Scheduling doesn't need me today, but I already have a trip assigned for tomorrow for a round trip from Columbus to Boston. I'm excited about my job for the first time in years! I spend half my time not believing this has really happened, and the other half praying I don't f**k up! I don't think you're supposed to use the F word when you talk to God; looks like confession time for me again!!

I want to thank each and every one of the people I emailed, called, texted, complained to, cried with, and otherwise leaned on who really believed in me when I didn't believe in myself - especially my Mom and Dad.

Thank you for your continued support and for always being in my corner. I am so happy that now I can go on to reading things for the simple joy of reading that have nothing to do with airplanes!!!

I think I'll start with the Pilot Reserve section of our contract.